Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

Debunking 4 Myths About Child Custody

I spoke with a divorcing mother recently who was determined that her ex-husband obtain as little custody as possible of their children. She wasn’t happy when I corrected some of the myths she believes about divorce and child custody. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that a lot of women and men carry around these same skewed beliefs.

This article will expose and demystify some of those skewed beliefs that both mothers and fathers have about how child custody is decided by the family court.


1. Myth: Children can testify about which parent they want to live with.


 False: This doesn’t happen. A judge may take into consideration the desires of an older child, at least 13 or older but the judge will not base a child custody order solely on the desires of the child.

And, if you try to insist that your child be heard on the matter of custody in court you will fail to make a good impression on your judge.


2. Myth: Mothers are always awarded custody.


 False: The reality is, times have changed and in most situations parents are awarded 50/50 custody. Many times a father has as much chance of gaining custody as a mother when engaged in a custody dispute. The courts concern themselves with the “best interest of the child.” If it can be proven that it is in the best interest of the child to remain in the father’s custody that is the way the court will rule.


3. Myth: If child support isn't paid there is no visitation.


False: There are issues that can cause a parent to lose visitation. If the child is in danger while in the custody of the visiting parent and this can be proven in court, the court may order supervised or no visitation. At no time does a failure to pay child support interfere with a parent’s right to child visitation


4. Myth: If I file for divorce first I automatically receive custody.


False: Child custody is not a competitive sport. It doesn’t matter who crossed the finish line first. Custody is either decided by agreement of the parents or order of the judge based on information gathered during the divorce process. So, no need for running shoes or months of training to see who can file first.

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