Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

Why Incredibly Competent Women Fall Apart In Relationships

As a coach, I've worked with so many women over the years who are self-assured, who have high self esteem, and who are generally successes in life, but who just fall apart when it comes to dating.
This one aspect of their life has just eluded them and they find it frustrating that they can't figure this out when they have done so well everywhere else.
What they don't realize is that it's not their fault - it's their programming.
Cultural Programming Is Working Against You As children, we are bombarded with the messages that "Prince Charming" will come and save us from our fate.
Do you need saving? I don't.
And yet we look for it
.
And then there's the "you complete me" message which is even worse, implying that we aren't complete on our own.
This message sets up a dynamic that creates neediness and a constant fear that the only person in the world who completes us might leave - and then where would we be? Going "All In" Once in the relationship, we are encouraged to go "all in" and lose ourselves in the relationship.
This is what happens when your best friend suddenly forgets your phone number because she's spending every waking moment with her new boyfriend; and what happens when every invitation you make to her suddenly includes him (or her - lesbians are not immune to this programming).
Everything we say or do is now measured up against how it will impact the relationship.
We change our self-definition to include our partner.
The minute we think something might be going somewhere, the mindset shifts and suddenly we're in "The We Zone".
If you've ever found yourself behaving like a crazy person around your relationshipsrather than the strong, independent woman you know yourself to be,it's because you've entered "The We Zone".
Symptoms of "The We Zone"
  • Reduced sense of self (because it is overshadowed by the other)
  • A fear of loss (because this is the ONLY person who can complete you or the ONLY person who will ever love you in this way)
  • Neediness (because you have given your power to the other person or the relationship, rather than holding it yourself)
  • Panic and jealousy when your partner talks to other women
  • Failing to speak your truth for fear of losing the relationship
The severity of the symptoms vary with the from person to person, but unless you've done a lot of work on yourself around relationships, it's likely that you have some form of this women's dis-empowerment virus - we are culturally programmed for it.

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