Have you thought about what habits and practices keep you connected with your spouse? What keeps your friendship strong? What keeps you in touch with what is important to your loved one? Life is full of responsibilities and challenges that can pull your time and attention away from your spouse.
Some days it may seem as if you barely see one another, let alone have a conversation that strengthens your intimate connection.
It can be easy to begin losing track of keys aspects of one another's life.
Couples with young children or very demanding jobs can be at higher risk for this slide away from each other.
More seriously, when this distance between you becomes disconnection, you may feel like strangers who are simply living under the same roof or passing in the hallway.
You may wonder why you are married.
Consciously keeping a connection between you is vital to prevent this sad state.
Dr.
Sue Johnson says, "Losing connection with our loved one jeopardizes our sense of security.
" (Hold Me Tight, p.
30) Dr.
Johnson says we all need to be able to turn to a partner for emotional support, and this is actually a source of strength, not weakness.
If you are goal oriented, you may jump out of bed and all your actions begin to focus on your priorities and activities for the day.
Perhaps hugging your spouse or pausing to pray together feels like it would sidetrack you from heading to the workplace.
That connection to home though is part of what provides the emotional security to go on your way and be more successful in your work.
What patterns do you have in your lives that provide a clear space to talk through what's new or anything that is troubling you? You could consider an early Sunday morning walk each week, a cup of tea after dinner on Tuesdays, or a standing date night for fun.
Have you identified a service to others that works well when done together? Not every couple can do, will do, or has to be able to do most things together.
For example, I know happy couples who parent effectively as partners but who are terrible at trying to facilitate a group discussion together.
Some people love to help out neighbors.
Others might participate in cleaning up trash from an area.
You have to know your strengths and what leads to harmony between you.
However, if there is at least something that gives you an outward-looking focus and an interesting topic to talk about on your dates, consider the bonding it could provide while you make a difference for others.
Couple practices are often very specific to the two of you.
You might always bring a small gift back from trips, make the bed together in the morning, or say prayers over a cup of tea.
Are there consistent actions that connect well with your anniversary? Think about what would enhance your connection in many ways with one another, and then experiment to discover what works well for you both.
Remember that a new practice may initially feel uncomfortable, so be sure you try something out enough times to be certain of your response.