There are those who compare the pain of infidelity to that of losing a close loved one. The main difference, however, lies in the way that we handle the grieving process. If someone close to us has a terminal illness or has passed away due to the circumstances of an accident, we can understand this, in time. Above all, in most cases, it is easy to separate ourselves from the event. Death from a prolonged illness is not something that we have caused. A fatal car accident will most likely not be the result of anything that we did. But the pain of infidelity is a prolonged process that is very difficult for one to completely be removed from. Even in cases where the other partner has clearly made the decision to engage in an affair (either physical, emotional or both), there is the nagging feeling that somehow it may be the result of our own actions. The greater the initial commitment to the damaged relationship, the more entwined we can become in a sense of failure.

There are those who argue that cheating on a partner by a man is something that is hardwired into their behavior. Then there are those who say that a woman will cheat on her partner if she feels that she is not receiving enough love and attention. These, of course, are over-simplifications. The root cause of infidelity can be very complex and its emerging can be overlooked by those who refuse to acknowledge the facts. The reason for this is that in many cases, a relationship that is expected to be stable may appear to be so, even when the evidence is beginning to point to the contrary. This will also add to the pain of infidelity in the form of a sudden €shock€ to one's emotions when you are hit with something that appears to come €out of the blue€.

Feeling the hurt that the betrayal has caused is then magnified by confusion, as well. A victim of infidelity, at that point, can actually begin to attack themselves in addition to becoming angry at their partner. This can even occur, unseen, at a subconscious level. All the while anger is being directed at the one who has committed the infidelity, there can be a suppressed feeling of personal responsibility for the situation and for the inability to recognize the warning signs as well. This is why professional assistance can be very valuable in helping to endure the pain that the infidelity has caused. Placing a hold on anger and blame is the first step towards establishing the frame of mind needed to communicate honest feelings without being affected in a negatively visceral manner. One will need to see past the initial hurt in order to come to an understanding of the complexities that may have been involved with the infidelity.

The goal that is to be achieved is a sense of inner peace that will allow the victim of infidelity to make decisions that will pertain to their future. This may or may not include continuing the relationship with the person who has committed the infidelity. But in any case, choices will need to be made. And those choices are best served when they are made when the pain of infidelity has been endured and placed under control. At that point, one can move positively towards a life that is filled with caring and love. This is the life that we all deserve.