When marriages don't work, there is always more than one reason. The reasons could be busy schedules, irreconcilable differences, lost love, and so on. The point is that it's never one reason alone. Sad to say, but many women believe that they are the reason why the marriage did not work. As a result, their self esteem goes down, affecting their social life.

Having a low self esteem is not good. As a matter of fact, it is often the reason why women find it difficult to function at their best. It's this or they become depressed as the effects of low self esteem hit them.

If you are saying things like, "I'm a total failure and I never succeed at anything. There's no point in me even trying" or "Nobody cares about me and I really don't blame them. Everyone else is so much more interesting than I am" Or "I totally see why I don't have a partner. I wouldn't want to go out with someone like me, either," then you are suffering from low self esteem.

The good news is that you can, and must, learn to deal with situations differently. It's important to understand that, when you feel negatively about yourself, you act accordingly. Others subconsciously pick up on these thoughts and behaviors, and treat you accordingly. If you don't want to experience that, you need to first change the way that you think about yourself.

How do you change this pattern?

Begin by developing strategies for thinking in a more positive and productive way. Start looking at the glass as half full instead of half empty. For example, "I don't have a partner at the moment, so this leaves me lots of time and energy to devote to my career or educational pursuits." Or, "Though I'm not yet a raving success, I really do enjoy the challenge of trying something new."

Reading how others overcame low-self esteem is helpful when one first decides that their self-esteem is in need of a makeover. It is likely that a woman who has just discovered her lack of self-confidence feels isolated and helpless, which is a difficult starting point. However, thanks to the Internet, we have access to millions of other women who are navigating similar challenges and the web allows us to share our stories through books, articles, blogs and forums. One of the books I highly recommend is Louise Hay's "You Can Heal Your Life". You only have to read this one woman's story to know that you can overcome anything.

Spend Time with People who Matter to You

The thing with people who matter to you is that these are the people who will gladly give pep talks and encouraging words. These are the people who have nothing but your best interest at heart. The more time you spend with them, the more you'll find out just how important you are and not as seemingly unimportant as you believed yourself to be before.

Do What You Like to Do

Another way to bounce back from low self-esteem is to do the things that you have always wanted to do. When you were married, you were grounded in the fact that your family was the center of your life. Even after a bad marriage, your family should still be the center of your world. The only difference is that this time, you have the freedom to do certain things that your husband, or being a housewife, had stopped you from doing.

If before you were stopped from going back to school to get a degree, then go ahead and do it now. If before you were stopped from pursuing a career, now is definitely the best time to do so. By doing the things you have always wanted to do, you get a sense of accomplishment. With this, your self-esteem will certainly increase.

© Vanaja Ghose 2010