Every group has its own language, including dieters.
In the interest of better communication with the thin, I have compiled several terms and expressions used by those of us working to achieve such status so that we may all speak the same language.
BATHROOM: (1) a.
k.
a.
"weight reduction cubicle"; private location to relieve oneself of extra poundage before weigh-in.
(2) Location of SCALE where dieters repeatedly pay homage, sometimes before and after visiting BATHROOM.
CALORIES: Invisible units with enormous power to influence size - and therefore mood - of dieters (also CARBS and FAT GRAMS) Calories have unique mathematical ability to be undercounted no matter how diligent a dieter strives for accuracy.
DIET: Four-letter word derived from "die" (ironic because being on a DIET can generate thought "I'd rather DIE than eat like this another day.
") EMOTIONAL EATING: Is there any other kind? EXERCISE: Dreaded - often avoided - activities involving sweating, panting and bouts of hyperbole.
Example: "I ran a mile.
" Actual: "I walked to the mailbox.
" FAT: (adjective)The "F-word" (not to be used in polite company) to be replaced with "full-figured" or "big boned" (noun)apparently intelligent form of cellular structures capable of outwitting dieters' attempts to eliminate them FAT FREE: (e.
g.
"fat free" cheese) a food-like substance that is rubbery, chewy, and low in taste yet consumed in unnatural amounts by dieters FOOD COP: Person who watches everything eaten and interrogates dieter i.
e.
"Should you be eating that?" Appropriate response: "Don't you have you own life?" FRUSTRATION: The state of being on a diet.
Ironically, also a trigger to eat.
GUILT: Motivating reason to eat to excess (see also STRESS, ANGER, BOREDOM, HAPPINESS, FRUSTRATION...
) HUNGER: Theoretical physiological state; rarely experienced but more prevalent in presence of French Fries or fresh, warm, donuts I'LL JUST HAVE ONE BITE: Last statement made prior to three weeks of self-induced weight gains NO THANK YOU, I'M FULL: No such expression PETITE: Size not found in nature (see also "sizes one through six") PORTION: One unit of food, varies by nutrient - i.
e.
one portion of vegetables is a tablespoon.
One portion of chips is a family size bag.
SCALE: *^$#*Y#$#@! (Need I say more?) TOMORROW: Appropriate date to begin dieting (synonyms: "Next Monday", "January 1st", and "when things settle down") WILLPOWER: Fleeting state of consciousness, usually occurring when clothes are too tight but dissipating quickly in presence of celebrations or chocolate