I hosted a very successful radio program two years ago.
Listeners would mail in family-friendly topics that they wanted discussed.
The ones with the most votes got selected.
Over time, something very strange occurred: married men wrote hundreds of letters beseeching me to abstain from discussing two particular topics.
I kept my promise for years.
Now I have decided to do an article on one of them.
Depending on the comments I receive, I will do an article on the other.
If any organization sponsors a particular marriage survey in every state in America, I am confident that at least 50 states would show that thousands of married men are deathly afraid of that day when their lovely wives become overweight.
Untold numbers of married men who are health conscious-- men who go to gyms, men who try to stay physically fit--many are disturbed by fat phobia, and are deathly afraid of the day, if and when their lovely wives becomes bloated.
Even though many won't discuss it, I think someone should.
It creates such a big fear factor, that many men have, not only nightmares imagining such, but also, millions have lost their desire as they feel their lovely wives have betrayed them by switching their lovely bodies without consulting them.
It is such a taboo issue that many feel that somehow women should understand, but they don't.
Men are so embarrassed to discuss this issue and for many reasons; most are myth-based: which is the main reason I decided to break the silence now.
I operated a nightclub for many years also.
On men's night, men would discuss all the "undiscussable" issues.
Bartenders and barbers have the distinction of hearing issues that psychiatrists would love to have access to.
It is safe to say that generally, most men choose women first on their outward aesthetic appeal and then hope that their personalities match their expectations.
Whereas women will include and enlarge their feelings basket to include children and our evolved status as "fathers," in men, unknown triggers can separate both categories and in some cases disconnect the feelings when the aesthetics change.
Since untold millions of marriages have been torn apart by this enigma, and millions more will, I think it is time to have an open and honest discussion on the topic.
MEN FROM MARS; WOMEN FROM VENUS.
We have all heard, read, and discussed the well-accepted theory that emotionally, women are from Venus, and that men are from Mars.
Yes, most of men's engines are emotionally and visually driven.
Oft-times one drives the other.
Any sudden disruption of the complementary forces does, and will short-circuit many masculine systems.
Men are deathly afraid of short-circuiting.
In fact, fear of failure-when it manifests-has driven many men over the brink.
Some have taken to the bottle as a cave of refuge.
Other formerly macho men have switched gears and become gender-confused.
What a sad thing, mainly because of three very little known spirits: FEAR, VANITY AND PRIDE.
May God bless those men who are not spooked by the chubby genie: those who know that the pearl's value is determined by the little prize inside, and not by the appearance of the outward shell.
LADIES: Biologically, you are designed completely different from men.
For many men, all of the olfactory ingredients must mesh.
However unfair this might sound, millions of men dream of them lasting forever.
Even though that is not possible, they expect you to try, or to appear as if you are also interested in delaying the devaluation process.
The more financially successful your husband is, the more he expects that of you.
I will tell you more: if your husband is financially successful, millions of very fit and outwardly attractive women will compete daily for his attention.
His attraction to such bait, or his ability to resist depends on how grounded he is to his family emotionally, spiritually, or both.
If he grew up in a family where he bonded well with other siblings, then the growth of a family and its layered structures will be important to him.
I will not say that men who did not have that embracing cradle will run from such.
In fact some men who did not have an embracing family crave so much for one that they become over-protective fathers.
So, there is no hard/fast rule as far as that is concerned.
That is why such issues as children, family, and eventual changing vehicular structures should be discussed.
DOUBLE-STANDARD OR DIFFERENT EXPECTATIONS.
Surveys seem to indicate that women are more interested in security, pleasant personalities, and a host of things much more important than flab.
In fact, flab is hardly mentioned in most marriage surveys.
By the lists women compile, a case can be made that women are much smarter than men when it comes to selecting their mates.
I honestly believe that the aggressive and over-persuasive nature in many men cloud women's initial good judgment and natural homemaking instincts.
After all, as children, while we men were running after anything with wheels or with a trigger, since you were babies, your toys and playthings were training implements for home-making.
You had, and still have toy houses.
You have, and still have baby carriages.
The only thing toy makers forgot up to this day were toys depicting the dad of the house.
UNFAIR DISADVANTAGE.
If a woman works and raises children, it is very unfair to expect her to travel to work, take care of home, raise the children, help with the mortgage, and have the time to stay fit- -unless fitness is ingrained into her routine, or that she is naturally fit.
My question is this: how is it that marriage counselors, pastors and dating couples do not ask that question-so vital to some: "Would you care for me more, or less, if I put on more, or less?" I believe if that question became routine, especially if done when wired to a lie-detector machine, our divorce rates would nosedive.
Something as important as this to millions should be discussed, especially since many only mention such after a few drinks.
We men are strange beings.
We know our vehicles will age, BUT...
I used to ask my former night club patrons, "How can you buy fattening foods for the house and expect you wife to stay biologically stagnant?" I always asked them to stop looking over the fence next door.
The sad thing is that many have told me, and they are serious about this: THEY FEEL THEIR WIVES HAVE BECOME SOCIALLY COMPLACENT AND THEY JUST DO NOT CARE.
In short, who you are presenting to them is not the person they married.
Here is a little litmus test.
If you husband desires you less, or pays less attention to you since you put on a few extra pounds, maybe, just maybe the fear factor I described above is creeping in.
It is time to heed the warning signs.
FEEL FREE.
Feel free to post a comment on this article on the EzineArticles page.
If you feel I have broken the international buddy trust, say so.
If you feel the article is an eye-opener and I should discuss the other issue, say so also.