One of the most important relationships to use boundaries is with our children.
They starve for boundaries.
That doesn't mean control.
A good boundary for a child is you do not eat until you wash your hands.
Or you do not hit others.
The first time you do not adhere to the boundary you're child made a subconscious mental note and will try to cross more boundaries until you are both going crazy or until you adhere to the boundary.
They are not doing this to make your or themselves crazy, they are trying to learn where the safety ends in the world-we are their teachers.
The lesson is to hold to your boundaries.
It's okay to make exceptions once in awhile but not enough to form a pattern.
When they cross a boundary they should have a natural consequence.
For example, if they throw a fit in the grocery store, take them and leave.
Send a clear message that when they throw a fit they leave whether it is a movie theater, a circus, a restaurant, etc.
If you stay, you are setting yourself and more importantly your child up for the same experience over and over.
Believe me, they are not having fun when they throw a fit, they are asking for help.
It does not help them if you give in-it hurts them.
I know from personal experience.
By the time I realized that I needed better boundaries, the task of implementing them was so much more difficult than if I had been doing it all along.
Boundaries are to keep us safe.
They do not have to be overly restrictive, they just need to keep us safe or help us meet our needs.
Think of it this way, if there is a boundary blocking you and you crash through it-there may be a cliff on the other side.
Our boundaries are necessary to keep us from free-falling through life without knowing when we will hit the bottom and being freaked out all the way down.
Who wants to live like that? Too many people do, everyday, day in and day out.
Boundaries empower you they do not restrict you.
Our boundaries, when we choose to enforce them, actually help those we may be setting boundaries with.
For example, if someone treats you poorly and you uphold a personal boundary you have that requires you to distance yourself from people who treat you poorly, you are giving them a gift when you, in essence, show them that treating you poorly doesn't meet their needs.