I sometimes get emails from wives and girlfriends wanting to know the best way to approach or ask a boyfriend or husband if he is cheating.  I firmly believe that there is right and wrong way to do this.  Because if done correctly, his answers or responses about the cheating will give you clues that you can follow up upon later, (but won't damage your relationship if you're wrong.) But if you ask about the cheating in the wrong way, you could not only damage the relationship, but also only make his hiding things from you that much easier in the end, not to mention the distance and hostility you could be creating if you're wrong.  Below, I'll go over the right way to approach him about your suspicions.

First, Listen To Your Gut: Many women will bite back their suspicions and will tell themselves that they are just being paranoid until the feeling just won't go away.  You don't have to confront your man the second alarm bells start ringing, but there is nothing wrong with beginning to pay closer attention of what is going on around you and to start gathering information and evidence, if there is any.  I agree that you don't want to say anything if there are no behaviors or actions that warrant your suspicion.  But, this often isn't the case.  Often that little feeling is the result of things that just don't add up, things that you just can't ignore any longer.

How To Approach Him When You're Pretty Sure He's Cheating: The biggest mistake that I see women make is that they go in with a serious accusatory attitude. This is going to do you no good. He's only going to get defensive and react negatively.  Many women assume that if they come on very strongly, they will "scare" or "guilt" their husband / boyfriend to stop the cheating.  This is often not what actually happens.

The better way to approach this is to first make a list of those things that are troubling you.  Make sure that you have this list memorized and don't forget to mention these things in the heat of the moment.  What you want to do is to approach this as you are the confused party and you want him to clear some things up for you.  You're want to stress that you are sure that you're probably wrong and that there is some logical explanation that you're hoping he can give you to clear this up. Once he gives you his response, don't argue or act as though you don't believe him.  This will come later, when you have more proof.

This tactic does a few things.  It doesn't put your spouse on the defensive (in case of small chance that you're wrong) and because he's not defensive, he's going to be more forthcoming about what's going on, or at least offer up the clues that are so valuable. 

Now, it's not at all likely that he's going to admit the cheating immediately or right off the bat.  It often takes more than your questioning to get him to come clean.  More than likely, you're going to have to check out what he told you and then re approach him with the proof, if there is any.

Comparing What He Tells You With What You Can Find Out To Discover The Cheating:  So, before I asked to come up with a list of things that were troubling you and making you suspect his cheating.  Now, I want you to go back and write down his explanation of these things. 

For example, if he says he's working late and is going to see a new client after work, you can easily check this out.  Carefully put a magnetic GPS tracker on is car (be careful that he doesn't catch you) and confirm if this is really true.

There are several ways that you can check out what he's telling you. There are almost always email, text and cell phone records that you can retrieve.  When and if you find these things, you can then approach him again, proof in hand, and you can most certainly be a little more forceful this time.

I was in this same situation a short time ago. My heart knew that he was cheating, but my head didn't want to acknowledge it. But after thinking on it for a long time, I decided that I really wanted to know the truth, no matter what that truth was. I learned how to get concrete information and proof that my husband thought that he had hid and erased. Once I presented this to him, he had no choice but to come clean. You can read a very personal story at http://catch-the-cheating.com/