I listen to stories all day long, and I am constantly fascinated, opened, and touched by the stories I hear.
I also love to read memoirs.
I'm not talking about lurid tell-alls that capture voyeuristic interest.
I'm talking about stories where the author is making sense of pain or difficulty by telling her story from the heart.
I like having my heart broken by stories like that.
I know, I know--most people don't enjoy having their heart ripped open on a daily basis.
I'm weird that way.
But give me a chance to tell you why I enjoy this particular kind of pain.
For me, reading memoir is like watching open heart surgery--actually looking at the muscle that's vital to life pumping away through some force no one can really name; being stunned by the mere fact of mysterious aliveness that I ultimately can't control, that I can only marvel at.
Stories that "cut to the heart" of the teller's experience reveal the pulsing world of human emotion, and join me to the storyteller in the shared ordeal of being human.
This being human can be such a difficult undertaking that having some companions along the way can sure make things easier, or at least less lonely.
Even the unbearable is more bearable when we're not alone.
All this talk about memoir makes me think about the dual value of telling stories.
There's no doubt about it, telling stories helps to make sense of life and helps to create meaning.
But in listening to my clients, in talking with my friends and family, in reading memoir, I am touched at a visceral level by the fact that stories not only make a difference to the storyteller.
They also deeply affect the reader or listener.
Dan Siegel says in Parenting From the Inside Out that "storytelling is fundamental to all human cultures, and our shared stories create a connection to others that builds a sense of belonging.
" Receiving a story--an authentic, human story--is as healing as offering one.
And the telling of a story invites the listener to respond with his own story.
Storytelling is an exchange.
In my work as a therapist, when I sit across from someone telling her story, I help her to find the ins and outs, the nooks and crannies of the story.
We bring the story to life in the here and now by focusing on how the telling of the story feels in his body, by paying attention to feelings that surface as the story unfolds, by grabbing hold of memories that tag along with the story.
As the story comes alive by being shared in the present moment, a deeply human connection is born between us and grows in the room, like a living, breathing being.
The nitty gritty particulars of life, shared in connection, clothe stories in skin and bone, heart and soul.
Whether through talking or reading memoir, when hearts pulse with the connection of story, they begin to heal.
Remember:
- Your story is a gift to others--it invites them to share their stories.
- Listening to stories connects you to others.
- If you want to get to know someone, ask them a question whose answer is a story.
- Keeping a journal is a way to explore and remember your stories.
- Dreams are stories.
Writing them down can be fascinating. - Publishing a blog is an easy way to put your stories into the world.
- A writing group can be a great place to share your stories in an intimate setting.