I couldn't count the times that various people have asked me if I 'have children'.
I answer "no" and I either get a look of pity or amazement.
Depends on the person.
Some have no reaction.
At that juncture in the conversation, I feel the need to explain why I don't have kids.
My reaction is thus so because of their question "why?" or for some reason I have a guilty feeling about my statement.
Why the guilt feelings...
? In my opinion, society expects all women to have a child (or several) in order to meet a 'meaning of existence' and fulfillment.
I believe that all women do not have the same consensus.
Some women actually choose 'not' to have children!I am one of those women and have decided to write this article on the subject and in doing so, have compiled various thoughts from several other women.
Like myself, they have also chosen not to have children and the reasons are varied.
If the subject matter interests you, please read on! Basic Motherly Instinct...
is it truly in all of us? According to my survey, the 'need' to have a baby is not installed in everyone.
True enough, you don't have to require the instinct in order to reproduce (some people I know are fine examples of products of this thinking), as almost every woman's body is equipped with the right 'stuff' to produce an offspring.
But, if the 'need' is not there, it is my opinion that a woman should wait and weigh out the possibilities.
These feelings, or lack thereof, are usually evident in the early stages of girlhood.
A really good friend of mine shared her thoughts: I never enjoyed ooo-in and aah-ing over the new babies at church with the other little girls and I had no desire at all to hold one! As I grew older, that feeling never really changed.
I also realized early on that I didn't want to be a single parent and my early relationships never felt permanent enough to make me feel like that wouldn't happen.
When I finally married the love of my life, I was 40 and not interested in starting a family.
I enjoy the company of nieces and nephews since my husband's siblings have 8 kids from ages six to twenty-three between them and my brother has 3 kids from ages 11 to 23.
I enjoy them all but am usually glad to see the younger ones go home.
My husband and I pretty much come and go as we please and it's a lot easier making arrangements with someone to feed the dogs, cats and chickens than it is to take care of the kids.
Acting upon that natural feeling, she has never had children.
I share the same viewpoint, as my past experiences are similar.
Seeing other people's children never really made me want to have my own.
True enough, they are adorable as babies, but most of God's creations are!At this point, don't misunderstand me since I do enjoy interacting with lots of my friend's children.
They can be fun and at the same time, make me glad I chose not to pursue raising a child.
In this life's journey, I chose a relationship with a guy that supported my decision not to have children.
He has one child from a previous marriage and I'm perfectly content with that.
Being a step-Mom is really like taking the easy way out.
I didn't have to give birth or raise the child, but still have a great relationship with a wonderful girl that is SO much like her Dad!So, I had no influences to deal with from that prospective.
This is a good thing for me.
Most of my women friends had the main job of raising their children with hardly any help from their male counterpart/contributor of sperm, who inevitably thought it was 'cool' to have a child.
And of course it was 'cool' for them, since they didn't have to go through the physical body changes that the childbearing process extols on the woman.
Then there is the opinion of some women (including myself) that if you really just 'have' the need to raise a child, there is the option of adoption.
There are so many children in the world that need homes with some caring parents/parent, that it seems ludicrous to add to the worlds population explosion by reproducing 'just because you can'.
I had actually thought of the 'adoption option' at one time, but that didn't last for long since my finances(and sixth sense) ruled it out.
Which brings to light another point..
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applying love & dedication with pets can be a good 'test' to see if you have the 'right stuff' to be responsible for another life other than your own.
I compare the two because I have personally known folks that could not provide for their own pets correctly, much less a child.
Even given that, humans are MUCH different and require much more care than a baby animal.
A story from a really smart woman friend of mine might clarify and highlight this point: When I was in my early twenties, I worked as a case aide for a Children's Services Agency.
I had only been married for four years and was already having marital problems.
I worked with abused, abandoned and neglected children and their parents and was profoundly affected by what havoc poor parenting could inflict on children.
I began to realize the awesome responsibility that came with parenting and I never thought of it as a "natural" thing again!I saw the worst that a parent could do to children and realized somewhere along the line that I didn't want to dedicate my entire life to parenting a child.
By the time I was divorced a year later, I had decided that I didn't want children.
I started to see that there were other paths in life that a woman could take besides that of the all-encompassing role of motherhood.
It was an amazingly free feeling to know that I could do what I wanted with my life, that I didn't HAVE to have a child.
Inevitably, I've met other women who feel the same way and who are a tremendous inspiration to me.
I would like to be that kind of inspiration to a young woman who isn't sure about having children, or who has already made the decision, but is being pressured by mothers, sisters, friends and husbands to have children.
I received a great deal of pressure about having a child, but it always seemed to come from a source that wasn't enjoying the role of parent very much themselves! It was quite frankly one of the best decisions I ever made in my life and I have never regretted it.
Some women have brought up the argument that they won't have someone to take care of them in their sunset years.
I couldn't disagree more.
Having a child and rearing them to your hopes and aspirations does not guarantee that they will take care of their elderly parent when the time comes.
In a perfect world that would be nice.
Working in the medical field has opened my eyes to lots of lonely folks whom never get a phone call or visit from their children, much less making sure they don't end up in a nursing home.
In this society of very busy 'children of baby boomers', the chances of that extra care are becoming less and less.
Americans are less apt to have their parent move in with them than almost any other culture.
A sad, but true, fact.
Those that do provide that special care should be commended! Not everyone has the ability or fortitude to be a good caregiver.
It's a very tough job! The purpose of this article is to let more women be aware that it's o.
k.
to be childless.
More and more women are choosing this lifestyle.
It can open up possibilities and freedoms in your life that you might otherwise not get in your lifetime.
Of course, make sure this is what you really want to do.
Life has no room for regrets.
Hopefully someone that has read this article will realize that it's perfectly natural not to have children.
After all, it's a Life Decision that all women have the right to make.