NEWPORT BEACH, CA As soon as I drove up the regal driveway of the Hyatt Regency Newport Beach, I realized that the blunt I rolled before I left the house was going to be wholly inadequate for the event that was about to unfold.
Just as I scooted past the tasteful circular entrance, I found my rotary-engined sports car surrounded by protesters, each one more progressive looking than the next.
I thought to myself, "Don't these miscreants have better things to do?" But the answer was apparent.
Parking next to a Topaz Blue BMW E60 M5, I exited my vehicle and happened upon the entrance to the fundraising gala for Republican presidential hopeful Rudolph William Louis Giuliani III.
Ignoring the cautionary signs, I circumscribed the hotel and entered through the fire doors knowing full well that, as a libertarian, I would be subject to extensive scrutiny and possible water-board interrogation if my true political affiliations were known.
The Patriot Act As I quickly scanned the banquet hall for hidden microphones and surveillance equipment, I noticed several members of Orange County's political elite.
Anaheim Mayor Curt Pringle, Jim Gilchrist, OC Republican chairman Scott Baugh were all in attendance this evening.
I checked in at the reception desk to receive my name tag and dining table number.
With name tag on lapel (a precursor to Giuliani's National ID Card, perhaps), I was ready to mingle with the fellow members of Orange County's political elite.
Thankfully, the atmosphere in the hotel was calmer than the chaos outside.
The self-effacing ineffectiveness of the protesters outside were contrasted by the bloated arrogance of the business elite on the inside.
While protesters outside were parading for amnesty and the ability to live the American Dream, the main concern of many of the attendees was the reinstatement (in 2010) of the Death Tax.
I overheard one woman bemoaning the problem of immigration ruining what she called, "the fabric of American society.
" I assumed she was Native American.
Not surprisingly, the attendees were mostly elderly, affluent and Caucasian.
Stereotypical of Orange County, I did not see a single black or Latino the entire night.
I did see an Asian couple.
They seemed confused when I asked if they were lost and looking for their hotel room.
Typical of many fundraiser events, memorabilia was stationed across a multitude of tables throughout the large banquet hall.
I saw a tasteful picture of President Lincoln aside President Reagan with the text, "The Greatest Republicans.
" In addition to the many Reagan photos and signatures, there were Reagan hats, key rings, bookmarks, commemorative coins, dinner plates, and even cufflinks.
At one point, I remarked to a gentleman standing nearby that I just had a great idea for a new business idea- Reagan golf balls.
He laughed but I could tell he thought I was making fun of him.
I may have been.
The Man Comes Around After retreating to the patio to smoke the last third of my Bubonic Blueberry blunt, I found a welcome reprieve at the hotel bar, where I spoke with a Democrat (we must have been under heavy observation at this point) about the value of Guinness after it crosses the Pond (little).
Several minutes into our conversation, the lights began to flicker on and off.
Suddenly, people began making their way toward the dining hall.
I had a sudden memory of my third grade teacher Mr.
Trokey flicking the lights on and off to signal the end of the game Heads Up/Seven Up.
I joined my classmates seated around my table for a rousing game.
At my assigned table, I joined my compatriots seated around a bronzed bust of President Reagan as the table centerpiece.
There's no doubt in my mind if Moses were in attendance he would have surely gone on stage to reprimand the event planners.
Anyway, after some mandatory party grandstanding, America's Mayor appeared.
Predictably he opened by talking about 'the tragic events of 9/11,' as well as the death tax, but the crux of his speech was mostly about his policy against illegal immigration.
His three-fold policy goes like this: 1) secure the borders with walls and high-tech camera equipment, 2) implement a National ID card (visa students, visitors, and dignitaries get cards with special, extra pretty colors), 3) grant amnesty to the illegals who are already here.
He humorously noted during the speech that he wanted to step outside his limo when he was arriving at the hotel and tell the protesters who were holding up pro-amnesty signs that he actually agreed with them.
Maybe even more predictably he closed with an ode to Reagan and called for a throwback to old school fiscal conservatism and freer markets.
You know, like back when conservatives didn't support giant government undertakings like nationwide ID cards.
To Giuliani's credit, the speech was clear and well-worded.
He spoke with surprising presence.
Unfortunately, what he had to say wasn't particularly compelling from a libertarian perspective.
His actual solutions were clouded with a lot of American chest thumping and political grandstanding.
He made many references to a President 'who can just get things done' and that disagreeing with an American involvement in the mid-East is tantamount to 'showing weakness, which is why we were attacked in the first place'.
Yet the most disturbing claims made by Giuliani were that the reason we are at war, and moreover the reason why terrorism exists today, is due to the enemy simply hating what this country stands for so much that it feels it has to destroy the U.
S.
even at the expense of their own lives.
"Terrorists hate our freedom, which is why they attack us," Giuliani nonchalantly remarked.
While the terrorists do probably hate our liberal society and republic style of government, Osama bin Laden (the mastermind behind the 9/11 attacks) says something very differently.
"The reaction [9/11] came as a result of the aggressive U.
S.
policy toward the entire Muslim world, not just the Arabian Peninsula.
" He stated that he wants the United States to withdraw from any kind of intervention against Muslims "in the whole world.
" Bin Laden later went on to say, "The U.
S.
today has set a double standard, calling whoever goes against its injustice a terrorist, it wants to occupy our countries, steal our resources, impose on us agents to rule us...
and wants us to agree to all these.
If we refuse to do, it will say, 'You are terrorists.
'" So in contrast to America's Mayor, America's Terrorist, Osama bin Laden says the U.
S.
was targeted as a result of our policies toward the Arab world, and not due to philosophical disagreements, as Mr.
Giuliani would have us believe.
The speech ended with a rousing ovation and the former Mayor left the hotel just as he came in- a Republican who truly believes in the principles enumerated in the Constitution, but lacking the conviction and courage to actually implement the ideas on a country-wide basis.