A friend of mine pressed a Nora Roberts novel upon me this weekend which I had my doubts about ( because well...
Nora Roberts) but I took it because she was so enthusiastic about it, and told me how wonderful it was.
The book began really slowly, like mind numbing slow.
When I read a book these days, half of me is reading the story the other half is taking the story apart in terms of how fast does it grab you? How realistic is it? Are the characters over or under- described? So in this particular book, the author goes into tiresome detail about just how much this woman is a rigid, control freak who completely excludes emotion from her life; Going so far as to describe how much she hides her enjoyment of a freaking cup of coffee.
Are you bored yet? I was almost in tears.
So then she meets a guy and the story picks up a bit.
The guy is an art thief, who is also an art gallery owner, while the woman is a PhD in the science of art and runs an art institute.
The guy steals a painting from her institute and then discovers it's a fake and comes to her to demand recompense because she's the one who authenticated it.
Now here's where it gets interesting but also unrealistic.
The author has spent a tedious amount of time building up the character of this woman as rigid and in control, yet after she gets drunk (p.
s.
she gets drunk, really? Control freaks never get that drunk, especially when they're in company with someone who they feel vulnerable with) and jumps the guy and they have sex; she does not feel at all mortified about it in the morning.
She even apologises for jumping his bones and then agrees to continue their liaison even though: 1.
He's a thief, and she's supposed to be this super-integrious human being.
Yet she falls into his arms without as much as a qualm.
2.
She's an extremely insecure bitch who is sure that the guy is going to leave her as soon as he gets what he wants but that doesn't stop her from giving herself over completely to him - even though she's a control freak, who doesn't trust him.
Finally, here's where we depart completely from reality.
Apparently just being with him changes her personality, puts her in touch with her emotions and makes her a completely different person.
"Love" cures all her ills it seems.
Furthermore, she has a brother; He's been an alcoholic since he was seventeen at least.
He's been friends with this bartender who he slept with when they were teenagers and then that ended badly but they remained friends.
The bartender is in love with him but insecure about him because he's a highly educated dude whose ancestors came over on the Mayflower and she's just Susie Q from down the street with a high school GED.
He runs an art institute and she runs a bar.
He's insecure because his parents never loved him and as a result, he never grew up and he feels worthless.
She's insecure because she doesn't think she's good enough for him.
Furthermore, I did mention he's an alcoholic...
and a divorcee who is supposedly still hung up on his ex-wife.
So one fine day, after a crisis involving his ex-wife he decides he wants to be with the bartender.
He's been sober for thirty days and he's doing the programme.
Now as far as I know, when you're in the programme, you're not supposed to be in a relationship for at least a year.
But he has this huge realisation and he goes over and asks her to marry him; somehow her agreeing to marry him makes him all better.
Now here's how it would go in reality.
Art institute woman is insecure, desperate for her mother's approval, afraid of demonstrating any emotion; she would change her address and move as far away as possible from the art thief.
The more she wants him, the more she'd run away screaming.
Even if she agreed to sleep with him, she would not let him into her heart, when she is so sure he is going to leave her as soon as he gets what he wants.
Falling in love is a fearful thing to happen.
It's literally like going off a cliff without a parachute.
An alcoholic reacts to fear or any form of stress by turning to drink.
A major life change like marriage would be a major source of stress and the typical reaction of any alcoholic would be to have a drink.
Furthermore, when people have insecurities about not being good enough, those insecurities don't go away with a wedding ring, in fact they get worse because you can't escape back into your own life at the end of the day.
Belief that you are not good enough for someone or something becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy.
The reality is that people have to work on themselves first, deal with their own insecurities and develop a self-awareness of who they are and what they need, and really feel that they deserve it otherwise even if they find whatever it is they are looking for, they will sabotage it.
Be it love, or the ideal job or the ideal body...
However most romance novels are teaching a lot of hapless girls (of all ages) that love is the great equaliser that cures all ills and that is just not true.
True and Healthy love cannot even exist in the presence of the inadequately developed personality.
You have to complete your own circle before you can seek to join yourself to someone else, whose circle is also complete.
You don't complete each other.
In the presence of synergy, you might be more than the sum total of your parts when you find that person, but both of your parts must be complete.
I much prefer novels like the outlander series where romance is more realistic.
Jamie and Claire became friends first, they went through stuff, they proved their character to each other, showed each other that "I totally got your back" even before Claire even knew that she was in love with Jamie (for him, it was love at first touch - it was dark when they met so he couldn't see her - I love that he fell in love without even seeing what she looked like).
They had a solid foundation of friendship and they knew the character of the other person.
Better yet, they knew themselves enough to know exactly what they were getting into and they were ready to pay the price.
My own upcoming novel is about two people who would never have looked at each other who were thrown together in most unusual circumstances and then got the chance to get to know each other in a way that they never would have in normal circumstances.
Oh, one thing I totally forgot.
Friendship is definitely essential, respect and knowing that the other person has your back.
The other thing that is essential is fantastic sex - Which is not about experience, or antics but more about not being selfish and paying attention.
I look at it this way; 'fairy tale romance' is like a glass slipper - really pretty to look at and delicate looking on the foot.
But how far can you walk with it really? How long before your foot develops blisters? True love though, is a sturdy walking boot, full of scuff marks and maybe the laces are missing and wrinkled with use; But strong nonetheless, and able to take on miles and miles of hill country without falling apart.
It might look messy and unattractive on the outside, but on the inside, the foot is comfortable without a single blister to show for all the miles walked, and only the wearer knows how it feels...