Last week, my husband and I found ourselves really frustrated with our kids.
While I would never call our family, "wealthy", we have what we need and then some.
That trickles down to our kids as well.
We don't buy them everything they want, but they do have nice clothes and toys.
The problem is that their rooms are complete pits!! I found myself getting angry whenever I walked into them.
This is such a common dilemma for parents and I feel like my husband and I have tried all the usual remedies: threatening to take things away, yelling, refusing to tuck them in because we don't want to see the state of their rooms, and requiring they spend 15 minutes a day cleaning.
Nothing really helped.
At our wits end we realized, that while the messy rooms are obnoxious, it's the complete lack of respect for their possessions (stuff) that upsets us the most! They're walking over their clean clothes with their dirty shoes, toys are stepped on and broken, and the private spaces they've been given are neglected.
Once we were able to recognize this as being the "heart of the matter", it changed something in our approach to the problem.
It's now not seen as just a laziness factor, but one of respect.
And in our household respect is a primary character trait we try to instill in our kids.
So, here's how this mind shift caused things to change...
Respect is expected and required in our house.
The rule has always been that respect comes first and then privileges.
So...
TV and computer time are privileges.
Those are no longer allowed unless their stuff is respected (i.
e.
, put away).
Going outside to play or having friends over are privileges.
Those don't happen unless the household is respected (i.
e.
, chores).
Sounds easy right? If you step back it does.
But we'd become lax in our parenting.
It's easy to let the day get past you.
We'd let the kids "play" and then at the end of the night we'd go to tuck them in and see the mess.
We'd demand it gets cleaned tomorrow and, of course, they'd conveniently forget.
With every new holiday it means more "stuff" coming into your house - I encourage you to consider this shift in perspective on how you ask your children to participate in the household.
You are all members of this family and each one of you plays a vital role in the health of the family as a whole.
It's not just taking care of stuff.
It's showing gratitude and respect for the blessing of having the stuff.