For Expectant Fathers

So, you're going to be a dad. Your wife or girlfriend is pregnant, and it was your little guys that crossed the finish line. Take a deep breath and believe what I'm about to tell you: This is good news. Sure, maybe you're a little terrified. Understandable. This is a life-long deal, and that's always terrifying. And things will change--you bet they will. But babies somehow have a way of making that okay. Not perfect, not uncomplicated, but worth the cost.

This post is not about how to be a great dad (you're not quite there yet). You still have to get through a pregnancy. There are few things in life that will affect you more than this, and few things you have such little control over. You are support staff, but your job is vital. Women can and do go through this alone, but it's always better when someone is at your side.

Here are a few tips on how to handle your lady's pregnancy.

What to do for her:

• Be happy. Maybe you planned this pregnancy, maybe you didn't, but she is desperately worried that you're going to be unhappy about it. Reassure her. Now, in all truth, you may have very mixed feelings about this, and there will be a time to talk about those. But just now, when she first tells you, be happy.

• Participate. If she wants you to read an article about fetal development, read it. Maybe you could even track down some articles yourself. Go with her to doctor appointments--maybe not all of them, but a few. Especially go with her to the ultrasound and share that first view of your baby. Learn all you can about baby care; it's not just the mom's job!

• Pamper and protect. Go out of your way to take some extra care of her, but don't treat her like an invalid. Pregnancy is not a sickness. Don't get exasperated if she needs something strange or inconvenient, or if she's in a crabby mood from time to time. You don't have to let her walk all over you, but she has huge amounts of hormones rushing through her bloodstream--cut her some slack.

• Talk it out. You can share your worries and fears… in fact, she might be waiting for you to do that before she shares hers. Anxiety is normal--will you be able to afford this? Will you be any good at it? Will she still have time for you once the baby is born? Will you still have an important role in the family once it's mommy-and-baby? Let her know you're thinking these things.

What to do for you:

• Enjoy the benefits. You know those hormones? Once the adjustment period of her first trimester is over, her breasts will begin to enlarge and her sex drive will kick into high gear. Sure, she'll be showing a little, but it's nothing you can't manage. And you don't have to handle her with kid gloves; there's nothing that you can do in normal (and by that I mean non-abusive) sexual relations that can hurt the baby.

• Boys' night. Go, get out, be a guy! You can be the world's best daddy-in-training, and still need to get far away from the very female world of pregnancy and the sight of anything pink or blue. Encourage her to go out with the gals, too. You both still have to be yourselves, as people, in addition to your new roles as pending parents.

• Accept the grief. Any change in life brings grief, even the good changes. A baby is good news, but things are going to be different. This can be hard for the dad, especially if he liked the way things were. From now on, you'll have to share your lady with someone who needs her even more. That can be really frustrating. Don't feel guilty about it; it's normal to grieve the loss of a life you liked, even if something better's coming down the road.

• Keep in shape. First of all, being in good physical shape will help you deal with stress much better. Second, during a pregnancy, men tend to gain "sympathy weight;" she puts on, say 25 pounds (some of which comes off after childbirth) and so does he (none of which comes off after childbirth!). And physical activity is a good way to get guy time, or to work out any anxieties or frustrations you might have simmering in your mind.

Being a dad is a great thing, and you're going to be really good at it. Just take care of your lady, take care of yourself, and follow the above advice. You'll be just fine.