This past December, a month after I arrived in California, one of my closest friends passed away from terminal cancer.
He was having pain in his leg and back area, so we thought that it was just some kind of back problem.
I advised him to go to the hospital to have I checked out...
about two weeks later, he passed on.
If things were not hard enough my girlfriend and I broke up the month before, I was so alone with no family and no friends around.
The two being so close together made my life miserable, I was so depressed and hated being up here.
Just so much anger and sadness, It left me with the feeling of being helpless and desolate.
I consider that time to of been my season of mourning.
Seasons...
what is a season? A season is a time of change, from one time to another.
Spring turns into summer, and summer into fall, this is a fact of life.
Different areas of the world all have season, even though they may be a minor change, that is that areas season.
Humans go through seasons too, just as the landscape around us will go through a season.
We will go through a season of being single, to dating, and often from dating to marriage.
A season of happiness and seasons of heartache and pain, it is inevitable for us as humans to not go through these changes.
Each season will bring its own challenges and joys, though perhaps some with have more pain or joy than others.
What is important is that we learn go grow through each season, allowing ourselves to move forward, developing or weaknesses and fortifying our strengths.
What season are you currently in? As far as being single, dating, or marriage, my season at the moment is being single.
Honestly, I would love to be seeing someone, to grow an intimate relationship that has meaning and is devoid of the nonsensical running around and BS that a lot of people call having a relationship or dating.
Of course dating can be casual, or more serious, I have always been the type who takes dating as serious...
that I would only try to pursue one person at a time.
I know that I actually am not ready to date.
Perhaps it was all my failed relationships that helped teach me this, but finally I see what others have tried to tell me all along.
It is not good enough to just jump into a relationship without first counting the cost of what it will cost to be dating someone.
Anyone who's been on a date with someone knows that there is a cost, especially those who do more of the paying.
The first obvious thing that I would hope to come to your mind is that dating costs money, you need to have money to date.
Time, you have to be able to give of your time to this person to grow and find out if you even like them or not.
Maturity, are you mature enough to handle a dating relationship? Can you be there emotionally for the person, are you willing to invest your own emotions and feelings should the need arise? Are you stable to handle any emotions they may have to give to you.
Please, please make sure that you are not just "rebounding" and are still connected to another person emotionally.
How awful it would be to have someone be with you while they are thinking about someone else.
Be true to them as well as yourself.
Lastly, don't just date anyone because you feel lonely.
If you have some standards, then keep to them.
Leading someone on, manipulating them for your own purpose is wrong and the longer you do it the greater that pain will be for the person you're doing it to.
Preparing for dating...
The first thing I spoke of was your finances.
How are you financially? Can you afford to take him/her out to dinner, or to the movies? Or are you thinking that you'll just have them pay for everything? If you can't afford to go out and eat yourself, you certainly cannot afford the cost for two.
Take the time to financially be stable, instead of focusing on dating, use that focus and time into figuring out how best to keep your own head above water and then getting out of that water.
You don't want to be in a position where you are trying to impress someone by buying them things, but are doing so at the cost of that month's rent.
Dating should be fun and exciting, not something that will put a burden on you and put you in more misery than good.
Also, you want to make a good impression.
Many women are looking for a man who can give a certain amount of security, who is able to stand on their own two feet.
Believe it or not, many men look for women who are stable too...
not just someone looking for a free ride.
There are many opportunities to make it, we just need the drive to seek it out and the humbleness to ask God for help.
A book that I'm currently reading, Suze Orman's "The Money Book for the Young, Fabulous & Broke," addresses many financial problems both you and me are facing and the steps to getting out of being "broke" and in just survival mode.
In no way am I trying to say that you have to be on the spot perfect with your finances, or any other aspect that I will talk about.
We all face various problems in life with many different life circumstances.
This is what I hope to be an outline for a successful season of dating.
In the end it is you who will have to decide whether or not you can weather the cost of engaging the dating field.
Continuing on...
What does your average week look like? Is it crammed with activities - work, school, taking care of family members? If you are planning on dating, then you will need to schedule in time for that.
The more activities you have, the less time you have.
And because of the shorter amount of time, people will start to cut back on activities.
This shouldn't be a problem, except when the activities you cut back on are the important gears in your life.
It should be obvious, but it's not.
How do I know? Because I've seen people start to do some not too bright things while dating someone.
They'll start calling in sick to work, not show up to classes, and miss important times in other people's lives.
If you can't make the time to date someone and continue to be responsible with work, schooling, or any other responsibilities you have, then you shouldn't date.
You need to be able to manage your time well, at least somewhat.
We live in a society that loves to cut corners and have instant gratification.
The downfall to this is not having the patience to wait; our expectations and our will must be met in our own time.
This will no doubt lead us to become impatient and make some bad decisions.
Another thing about time is that if you save yourself from making hurtful mistakes, you will actually be saving yourself time.
You won't have to go through the time it takes to undo or make better whatever bad decision was made.
Be wise with your time.
Lastly, are you mature enough begin dating? Are you free from any emotional ties that would prevent you from being able to commit if things work out? It's not an easy question to answer, to know if you're mature enough to date.
Unless you are someone who consistently evaluates yourself the best thing to do is probably ask a friend, or even an ex, what they think.
Some questions to think about are: Do you get jealous easily? Are you the type who tries to control everything that the person you see does? Are you still getting over a past relationship, that could possibly pose a problem to a new one? Know your strengths as well as your weaknesses so that you will respond during your next season of dating rather than reacting.
Be mature by thinking first, that's the difference between reacting and responding.
It is my hope that you will take this advice and make a solid foundation in which to stand upon as you move from being single to dating.
In fact, it is never too late to grow from whichever stage you may find yourself in.
Just remember though that change will have to begin with you and the decisions you make.
Walk strong in your next season of dating.