It is not necessary for you to find or know the cause of your hair pulling.I disagree.
While this sounds good on the surface, there is a big problem with it.
The issue is that when hair pullers stop pulling without knowing and resolving why they began, they often switch to another self-harming behavior.
Sometimes the substitute behavior is even more damaging.
Also, if you do not learn the cause of your pulling, how can you be sure that the problem has been solved and that you will never pull again? You will always be powerless with your trichotillomania and with those upon whom you rely to help you stop pulling.
This powerless position will only lead to even more hair pulling urges.
It is important to recognize that for many, trichotillomania becomes a best friend.
Over time, like many close relationships, it both comforts and wounds.
Too often, hair pullers, parents and professionals simply want to get rid of the problem without listening to what is being revealed by trichotillomania.
On average, compulsive hair pulling meets between 50-75 very important needs for my students.
Here is a brief list of how trichotillomania meets just a few of a hair puller's most crucial needs.
Unlike other relationships in a sufferer's life, hair pulling: * Delivers 100% unconditional acceptance.
Over 90% of the hair pullers with whom I have been in contact, agree with this.
Those of you who do not pull, must understand this important point.
For someone who has been hair pulling for three to six months, hair pulling is fast becoming a primary relationship, nothing less! For those who have been pulling longer, it is already a primary relationship, even possibly the primary relationship in the hair puller's life.
Many of my adult women students, who have spouses and children, still define trichotillomania as their PRIMARY relationship.
Unfortunately, this is the nature of a serious addiction.
* Never abandon the hair puller.
It is always welcoming and never lets you down.
Hair pulling delivers on its 'promises'.
Unlike many of our parents, spouses and even in our own relationship with ourselves, when hair pulling promises to help, it delivers! It will "zone you out", create an adrenaline rush, or effectively shove your uncomfortable feelings into the background, at will.
It delivers just what a hair puller needs whenever it is needed.
* Is the ONE place where many hair pullers feel totally themselves.
It has no 'hard-to-meet' or uncomfortable expectations other than insisting on one more pull, which feels good and is easy to do.
Hair pulling allows the hair puller to totally be him/herself, and to be self-focused without external judgments.
It does not ask the hair puller to shapeshift or change to please anyone else.
If you are anxious, angry, ashamed, guilty or afraid, it does not make you put your feelings aside to accommodate or "care-take" it.
* Paid attention to us.
Some hair pullers were 'lost' children in families where there was neglect, or where there were chronic problems or chaos.
Parents do not always realize that in the midst of a troubled marriage or divorce, both parents are frequently in emotional turmoil or distracted.
When the adults in the family are facing large financial troubles, they are also in emotional turmoil.
As a parent, you may be on auto-pilot for a while, doing your best to survive, but your highly sensitive child may feel lost and alone, looking for a way to comfort herself and to be "seen" and nurtured.
Believe it or not, hair pulling does the job.
* Makes the intolerable, tolerable.
Again, many hair pullers are highly-sensitive types who feel/felt trapped in unhappy family situations with no way out.
We believed we had to find a way to survive without losing our sanity and adding more burden to an already overwhelmed family.
For some the difficulty came from living with an ill, depressed or chronically angry family member.
Others suffered many losses or tragedies in a family in which acknowledging and expressing emotions like grief or anger were off-limits.
The important thing to note is that for highly-sensitive hair pullers, pulling makes life tolerable.
If you are an adult hair puller, you may notice that when you are faced with relationship problems with your spouse or boss, your hair pulling intensifies.
If you live with someone who forces their opinions on you or has little tolerance for you to voice your own thoughts and feelings, your urge to pull increases.
You may also find that during times of high-stress and crisis, your hair pulling diminishes because, when you step up to the challenge, you feel more empowered, more engaged, more connected with your truth and less in need of the crutch that hair pulling provides.
* Allows the hair puller to feel included and even popular in at least one place in life.
For the hair pulling child or teen who feels left out or victimized in the family or with peers, trich can soothe the inner pain and allow the puller to get through the day and go on to the next day.
It offers distraction, a way to dull the terrible inner pain.
Again this article contains just a few of the many needs that trichotillomania meets in the life of a long-term sufferer.
The longer the behavior goes on, the more likely it will be that the hair puller will turn to trichotillomania to meet even more of her needs, rather than using healthy ways to get them met.
This is likely the source of the chronic pain and isolation with which many hair pullers live.