There will always be bullies and there will always be victims, but children in your classroom don't have to be either.
The new school year is the perfect time to cultivate classroom connectedness and communications, which are key to eliminating bully behavior and empowering victims to stand up for themselves.
Can the classroom bully be controlled and taught to act differently?Yes! At this point, you're probably expecting some hard-line tactics designed to minimize the bully.
However, there is an alternative approach.
We are better served by educating children how not to become victims, than by spending too much time on the bullies.
Bullies (or predators) are attracted to various signals that victims put out, such as apprehension, over shyness, timidness, vulnerability, and alienation.
Helping children develop good communication skills eliminates these signals and leaves the bully with nothing to pursue.
These skills involve creating boundaries, understanding body language and handling a bully encounter.
Creating Boundaries Boundaries create guidelines for what is and is not acceptable in the classroom.
Setting them diminishes the bully's strength as well as the victim's weakness.
Enforcing them establishes a safe and comfortable environment for children who are normally in the victim mentality, i.
e.
, displaying signals that bullies are attracted to.
Creating three main boundaries will develop a better classroom environment.
The boundary of possessions.
Students who want something should ask first instead of grabbing.
This neutralizes the bullies' operating mode, which is always to dominate and overcome the boundaries another person has set.
In turn, this boundary clarifies in the victim's mind the rules everyone must go by.
They will then need guidance from the teacher on how to defend it.
Operating in this environment increases the victim's confidence and eliminates some of the appeal for the bully.
The verbal boundary.
Verbal boundaries are guidelines that keep the interaction between the classroom respectful.
A child speaking to a teacher should always respond with "Yes, ma'am or Yes, sir.
"This boundary makes children feel safe.
If a child thinks he's your buddy, he'll feel unsafe in the classroom.
Children need leadership.
"Please and thank you" should be used among the students and all issues should be handled in a respectful way.
The physical boundary.
Children need to know what is appropriate and inappropriate touching.
Holding hands, hugging and playing together are appropriate.
Hitting, kicking, and pulling are aggressive touching that needs to be controlled.
One school system in northern Virginia tried to pass an absolute rule stating children cannot touch each other.
That is ridiculous.
It's better to set physical boundaries and teach children to defend those boundaries directly.
Bullies resort to physical intimidation because they desire dominance by creating fear.
Eliminate the physical intimidation with boundaries and you neutralize the bully and strengthen the potential victims.
A good example of the importance of boundaries and how they facilitate learning was displayed in a behavioral study.
A group of children was placed in an unfenced park.
Their reaction was to congregate to the center.
When the same children were placed in the same park, but this time with fencing, they expanded to the boundaries of the fence.
The study concluded that children learned and explored more when they felt safe.
Boundaries create a safe environment.
Body Language Body language is a primary communicator and accounts for approximately 65 percent of our interaction with the world.
Body language is also one of the key attractors for a bully.
If we can change a child's body language, we can eliminate some of the bullying.
It's a fact that when we become aware of our posture -- walk straight, head up -- it changes how we feel about ourselves.
That same truth applies to the classroom.
How a child stands, makes eye contact, and speaks are all important to projecting a non-victim persona.
Watch how a child walks up to your desk.
Is he dragging his feet, slumping his shoulders, and talking to the chalkboard?You can encourage him to stand tall, be proud, and talk to your face and eyes.
Encouraging good interaction and communication can change a child's weak persona into a powerful one which bullies will avoid.
When classmates communicate well within set guidelines, it puts everyone on the same playing field and creates a safe and nourishing learning environment.
Teaching students how to handle bullies early in life will pay off down the road when they encounter the same type of behavior in relationships, jobs and other areas of life.
Handling a bully encounter Whether you witness a verbal or physical attack by a bully, your approach should be the same.
Address the victim first: - This creates a proactive, safe environment where priorities favor the good students.
- Ask victim: did you like being pushed, did you like what she just said to you, or did you like him pulling your hair? - When victim says no, this is the opportunity to teach him to defend his boundaries.
- Have victim stand up straight, look bully straight in the eye and in a serious voice say, "Never do that again.
I don't like it.
" - This simple process helps the victim take another step up the ladder toward more confidence and a stronger persona.
Address the bully next: - Make bully stand up straight, look victim in the eye, and say, "I'm sorry.
I won't do that again.
" - Tell bully he is going to end up with no friends and people are going to talk about him in a bad way.
- This plants in bully's head what is socially acceptable and unacceptable.
- Ask the bully, "Don't you want people to like you?"Everyone, even a bully, has a need to belong and to be accepted.