Families often spend intensive amounts of time together at certain times of the year, Christmas and holidays being times of especial stress.
There is a requirement to be friendly, enjoy each others company, share moments of happiness and have a good time together.
What happens if you find your daughter in law to be a difficult and controlling woman? It can be a particularly hard situation if you feel unsupported by your son or husband.
It could be that your son puts up with her behaviour because he wants a quiet life and your husband chooses to ignore the situation.
It may be manageable for most of the year but if they decide to stay with you over the Christmas period or suggest a shared family holiday, what happens then? Let's look at ways to ensure that the family time together runs smoothly.
- Firstly there needs to be an appreciation that presumably your son loves this woman so she must have some good points.
Is she a good wife, hard worker, supportive of your son, a loving mother? Find things about her to appreciate and try to remember those qualities at difficult times.
- Could she perhaps be a little in awe of you? Some people become tense and appear unfriendly when they are stressed.
You may find that the situation improves if you relax a little and give her some leeway.
When the atmosphere becomes more relaxed many people find that tense relationships improve.
- Play to her strengths.
If has particular talents or skills recognise them.
Ask for her help.
Maybe her desserts are highly regarded or she is good at flower arranging.
Praise her talent.
- If you know that she would like to visit a venue near to where you live or is interested in attending a particular event why not organise the tickets.
Your thoughtfulness will be appreciated and you can congratulate yourself for having tried.
- Do you need to do everything together? Offer to babysit and let your son and daughter in law have an evening for themselves.
Or stay in and enjoy some quiet time whilst they go visit friends or places that interest them.
- Arrange activities away from home.
This provides a break from all being cooped up together for several days.
Interesting walks, visits to a carol service or concert, a seasonal local market can provide a welcome distraction and a break from indoors.
And external activities provide fresh air and a change of scenery.
- Invite friends round for a social evening.
Other people inject new energy and topics to discuss and it may be interesting to get their feedback at a later date.
- If it is feasible to do so, consider separate overnight accommodation.
That way you share daytime activities but have a break overnight.
The break can allow any tension to defuse and provide an opportunity for a fresh start each time you meet up again.
- Consider, if you met her and she wasn't married to your son how would you feel about her? How similar is she to you? The answers to these questions may introduce an interesting fresh perspective to your relationship with your daughter in law.
Holidays and Christmas are times when many families spend a lot of time in each other's company.
Appreciate that you are in the fortunate position of being able to see them and have them want to come and visit.
Finding ways to reduce the intensity of those times can make it a more pleasant time for all.