You're a nice person.
Everybody says so.
You bend over backwards to be a good wife, employee, friend and more.
Now you're in trouble, asking, "How can I save my marriage?" and your poor health makes you feel defeated before you start.
Let's discover how you got here.
Did you know that people pleasing can make you sick? How? If as a child you worried you wouldn't keep the love and support of your parents unless you made yourself acceptable by stuffing your real feelings down, you may still do that today.
What happens when you continue that behavior into adulthood? You let anyone who has influence in your life--like your man--make all the decisions.
You go along with whatever he or they think best.
If you don't like their choices, you go along with them anyway and ignore how your stomach cramps, your head aches or the way all your energy just drains right out of you at the thought of their plans for you today, tomorrow, and the rest of your life.
Yet you're convinced the word "no" just isn't an option for you.
It turns out that working yourself to death doesn't please you and it often doesn't please your man, your boss or your friends.
Besides which, you fail in your efforts anyway.
How many times have you forgotten to do what you promised? Or were late getting it done.
Or so over-promised your time that there's no way any one person could ever do it all.
It would take an army! You can stop being a people pleaser when you believe you can still be safe, accepted and loved if you express your real feelings and preferences.
It might scare you to declare that you don't want something they want.
Do it anyway.
Do you honestly believe your husband won't love you if you admit you prefer eggs instead of ham, enjoy Mozart more than the Beatles, want to live here instead of there? At first the very idea of standing up for yourself may make you shake.
Practice taking back your power in small ways at first.
Baby step your way to your real self.
As you do so, you may notice your illnesses lessen or go away.
If you're like me, you're a bit of an extremist.
My first attempts to stop being a people pleaser went too far.
I was so bottled up that I couldn't uncork without exploding.
You may over-react at first.
It's okay.
You'll learn better balance as you grow more comfortable with acknowledging your own needs and wants.
Hang in there.
The rewards when you face your fears and regain your powers are great.
You'll have all kinds of strength, energy, and power to answer the question, "How can I save my marriage?" with "You just watch!"