Most people are a bit "shell shocked" and anxious after a divorce.
Good judgement often is lacking during this time.
Learn 5 simple principles to remember so that you can come out of your divorce as a happy, healthy person.
Refer to these simple principles when you feel shaky about your future or are rushing headlong into bad decisions.
PRINCIPLE NUMBER ONE: YOU ARE ON AN EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER AND NOT TOTALLY RATIONAL Even in the "best" divorce or when you are "glad" to be rid of one another you are unbalanced at this time.
If possible, make as few important decisions at this time.
Seek the wise counsel of friends who love you and are strong.
This is NOT the time to: move across the country; have unprotected sex with an attractive stranger; damage your ex's property; change your kids school; go into great debt; or marry someone else.
PRINCIPLE NUMBER TWO: COMMIT TO GIVING YOUR CHILDREN & TEENS THE BEST OPPORTUNITIES This means that you and your ex keep them out of the middle.
Do NOT rage at or about your ex.
Communicate your adult feelings to your friends, NOT your children.
Do NOT change schools if possible.
Put aside money for their college, if that was the plan when you had them.
STAY in the same city, if possible.
Long distance parenting is about as effective as long distance love.
It works for a short time, but the relationship is stunted and is never "real" when there is great distance.
PRINCIPLE NUMBER THREE: TAKE THIS TIME TO GROW & KNOW YOURSELF Well meaning friends will often try to fix you up with someone.
That's fine if you want companionship and friendship.
One of the best ways to use your time immediately post divorce is to get to know who you are when you're NOT part of a couple.
What parts of yourself did you give up when you became a couple? Are there any new interests that you want to explore now that you are single? Use this time to discover & grow.
PRINCIPLE NUMBER FOUR: USE THIS TIME TO REBUILD FINANCIALLY If you are the partner who earned a lot of money and you have children, provide adequate financial assistance so your children don't suffer during their growing up years.
This is NOT a matter of your ex "winning.
" It's ensuring a legacy of your children being the best they can be.
You want your children to have the advantages they would have if you both stayed together.
If you are the one who hasn't earned as much, then get your act together.
Do NOT jump into a relationship for financial reasons.
Grow up, re-train, work, invest and get smart about money.
You will feel more powerful and deserving when you can take care of yourself.
PRINCIPLE NUMBER FIVE: TAKE NEW RELATIONSHIPS SLOWLY!!! When you date keep it light.
Do NOT introduce your children and teens to all your boyfriends & girlfriends.
When you feel more seriously toward someone, introduce them to your children/teens in small doses.
Don't expect your children to love someone new, just because you do.
All relationships take time.
You are dead wrong to expect young people to like your new someone right away.
Be certain you spend time with your children alone.
Do NOT always include the new person.
What messages/values are you modeling in your dating behavior? If your kids witness a version of "Dad or Mom Gone Wild" or if you have a live in partner; what message/values are you giving your children? Children/teens listen and learn about relationships by YOUR example.
If you value one thing, yet behave another way, your children will learn more by your example then your words.
Copyright 2007, Iris Fanning.
All Rights Reserved Worldwide.
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