There are two major conflicts with step families - children and Exs. These are head and shoulders above all marital troubles with blended families. As a matter of fact, if it weren't for step children and Ex issues, blended families may have a better stay rate than non-blended families. Let's look a little deeper at what lies underneath.

First the issue with step children. Most approach their second marriage with goo goo eyes. We'll be the Brady Bunch and everything will be perfect. Then there they are, a year or so later, back at divorce court. Both shocked it didn't work. Then ask what was beneath their problems and here is what most say, "We had too many problems between our children."

Knowledge is an amazing thing. The lack of it cuts your legs off. Doing one's homework before blending a family is an essential. For example, you will not love your new spouses children as much as your own. Did you know that? Can you talk about it as a married couple and accept that? Like it or not, that's the way it rolls.

So how does that knowledge help? You will be lees patient with your step children. You may even be more demanding or come down harder on them. Your tone may be sharper and your attention span shorter. Just being aware of that will help you watch for it and not feel guilty because you feel this way.

So communicate with your spouse. Talk openly about this and work out a game plan. You must do this from the beginning while your communication is still good. Here's a suggestion - when your spouse begins to display some of the actions mentioned above, gently remind them and call it to their attention. It is important that the two of come to an agreement to allow this. Sometimes you will not see your own behavior. A loving reminder is necessary.

Caution: If you wait a year or two in before you begin this, it will not be the same. Here's why, bitterness will already be there, even if small, still there - under the rug. From the outset a successful blended family requires total, lovingly blunt, open communication between husband and wife.

Second, the issues with the Ex. This is such a juxtaposition. On the one hand, you want them to be a part of their child's life. On the other, you do not want them to be such a part of your life. A balancing act is required.

Upfront rules are necessary. If one of you has a spouse who has not moved on, they will require more attention. They may want to remain in contact with their Ex, even if it is through the children. Some of that is the consequences of having an Ex. However, a few guidelines will help.

The Ex can never come into your home when the spouse is not there. What about the children? No, the most important relationship is between the husband and wife. If that fails then where are the children? Spouse takes first consideration in this case.

There is no reason your Ex has to shoot the bull with you, other than that which deals with your shared children. Why? It's simple, that is a difficult position for the new spouse. Do not put them there. Want to hang out and be friends with your Ex? Then you should have stayed with them.

An Ex often has a way to stir up trouble. It is the position of their divorced partner to set them straight. Give them the new rules right off the bat. Are you afraid of hurting their feelings? That makes it seem like you are more concerned about them than your new spouse. Do not go there.

These are only a few issues and suggestions with blended families. You cannot replace honesty and openness with each other. Do not feel like you will look stupid if you bring up something that is bothering you. If you do not, it doesn't go away, it just goes under the rug. Communication, from day one, may save your statistically challenged marriage.