As you already know, adolescence is a time of huge change and it a rare girl that does not feel anxiety about her life, relationships, and her future.
The expectation is that girls explore their life direction at this time because they are thinking about college and their major.
They are encouraged to take as many AP classes in high school as they can in preparation and then there is the testing required for the application process and approval.
Like it or not, our society has a major influence on how parents approach these issues with their kids.
Many girls have talents, gifts, and interests, but they don't know if these are the ones they want to spend a life time doing; nor should they, because they have not experienced enough of life yet for this kind of clarity and direction.
Yet there does seem to be a lot of pressure on them by school counselors and sometimes parents to figure this out.
It can be frustrating and very anxiety provoking to know that others have this expectation or desire and you have no idea which way to go.
This is something I hear often from girls, the anxiety about what to do with their future.
If they are unsure and don't know how to cope with this anxiety and pressure, they will resort to unhealthy coping mechanisms to manage their anxiety.
It is much easier to think about food, calories, and weight because these are physical things that are concrete, right in front of her, here and now, and within her control.
The bigger picture issues are much more difficult to deal with.
The pressure in relationships is also a major cause of anxiety for your daughter.
Her relationship with you may be unpredictable due to her emotional swings.
Depending upon how you the parent are feeling at any given time, you may respond well to her mood or not so well.
You are only human and there can be unpredictability there.
Her friendships are also very volatile.
She can be friends with a girl one minute, and a few minutes later they are not speaking due to some offense made on either side.
How she is treated by boys is also a major factor in how she feels in relationships.
Do they like her, reject her, make fun of her, or want to use her? These issues are all part of her relationships.
The power of these connections and the unpredictability of them cause much instability in her world.
The eating disorder becomes her stability.
ED is predictable and always available.
She knows what he is going to say.
As long as she does what he says, everything is fine.
Not many human relationships are this steady.
This stability and predictability is the exact reason she wants to stay with him and do what he says.
As long as she obeys him, she believes she has the stability of relationship with him.
She doesn't feel that kind of stability with anyone else most likely.