I've just discovered I'm homeless.
I discovered I'm homeless because I started talking differently than I did before.
I started planning bathroom deposits differently than I did before.
My eating habits changed.
My hygiene habits changed.
Everything changed, but not necessarily for the worse.
So I'm talking differently.
I find myself saying things like: "are you sure it's OK", and "I hope I'm not in your way", and "don't worry, I'll find a job soon enough", and "I really appreciate you letting me stay here", and "up until I got laid off, I had a perfect life", and "I'm waiting to hear back about an apartment I'm thinking of leasing", and stuff like that.
You say things you would not say if you were in your own place and taking care of your own self.
You say these things to garner pity and so you can extend that stay for just one more day - one more week -- if you're lucky, one more month! And then there are those trips to the bathroom.
Those trips have to be well planned; after all, you don't want to be stinking your hosts out of their own home.
So, you plan to use the bathroom when they are not at home and you work around their schedule.
But then comes the weekend.
And there's no working around any schedule - they are home, to stay.
That's where the matches come in.
If you fart before pooping, you light a match.
Then, here comes the poop.
From the time it drops in the water you flush! Time it well because you don't want the smell to linger in the bathroom.
And if there's more of that where the first set came from, guess what, you will have to flush again, and again.
You cannot stink out these nice hosts' bathroom! What do you think, you live there or something?! Now, use the freshener just in case any of those vulgar odours escaped the timed flushing.
Don't forget to wash your hands now.
You don't anyone to think you are unclean.
So, wash, wash, wash and out you go.
Now, just in case you were disillusioned or had your head up your butt or something, this one will shake you awake.
You exit the bathroom and your host is there, waiting to ask you one simple question.
And if it were you in his situation, you'll probably have that same very question on your mind.
Your host wants to know what was going on with all the flushing and the wasting of his water.
He reminds you that water bills aren't cheap and that the water bill that they have is already too much for them to handle.
Your host is even supposing at this time, that maybe the sharp rise in his water bill is attributable to you wasting his water.
Now remember, you haven't been there that long.
But your host insists that the water, and the electricity (yes, he's added on another utility) took a sharp rise as of recent.
Do you have any doubt about your status? Now you know you dare not turn on that electric stove to cook anything.
Don't even think about using the microwave! You eat out.
All your meals are eaten out.
If there is a sharp increase in water consumption from the mere use of flushing the toilet, can you imagine what would happen if you took a one-minute shower? So, your showers have to be very short, well, especially on the weekends.
So you recognize your homeless situation.
You have no permanent place of abode.
You do not have a postal address.
You are moving from place to place.
You are not sleeping on the streets, but you are homeless.
But there is a light at the end of the homeless tunnel.
Everything that is experienced can be experienced with joy and laughter and real, true appreciation.
Don't over stay the welcome.
Buy a postcard every now-and-again and send it to your hosts letting them know you are well, and what you are up to, and what your plans are for the future.
Call them during the holidays with season's greetings and to wish them good health.
Remember their birthdays with birthday wishes.
And when you get back on your feet, invite them over for a visit.
Make every experience a joyous one! Love yourself, love your journey, and love people unconditionally.
Give without expectations.
Smile and be happy.
Veronica S.
Cutting