Text messages, IM's, and chat rooms, provide new ways for students to communicate without all the anxiety that comes from looking someone in the eye.
With ready access to cell phones, it's not uncommon to see a group of students sitting together engaged in silent text conversations with someone else.
And while most parents can tell you the cost these unlimited text plans add to a phone bill, it is difficult to assess social and relational price we are paying.
THE RESEARCH: In the book Social Intelligence, Daniel Goleman synthesizes research surrounding the social functioning of the brain.
Goleman cites a study of social interactions where college students were paired together with strangers in online chat rooms.
Nearly 20% of these conversations "quickly became startlingly sexual, with explicit terms, graphic discussions of sex acts, and outright solicitation of sex.
" The results were surprising, in part, because of how mild-mannered and respectful the study participants were in person.
This study highlights the activity of two parts of the brain in social situations.
THE GUT FEELING: One part of the brain rapidly processes information on a subconscious level giving us a feeling about people and situations.
This part of the brain can read others, knowing when a question or comment made someone else uncomfortable and then redirect our conversation accordingly.
THE THOUGHTFUL PART: Another part of the brain processes those feelings along with verbal expressions, but more slowly and on a conscious level.
In this part of the brain we may try to understand why we get a creepy feeling around one person and not another.
THE IMPLICATIONS: The study participants were limited to text on a screen, effectively blindfolding a portion of the brain that perceives the feelings of others.
When our conversations are not guided by what we perceive in another we miss opportunities for empathy, compassion and love.
Cyber-bullying and sexting are two examples of the social abuses to come, if technology is allowed to stunt the social development of the next generation.
If ingredients for a healthy social education are stripped from this learning process, we may see a marked decline in the value of life since careers, marriages, friends, and all other relationships depend on social intelligence.
"When our conversations are not guided by what we perceive in another we miss opportunities for empathy, compassion and love.
" THREE SUGGESTIONS FOR PARENTS: 1.
Help young people develop socially in the face of an easy, more comfortable alternative.
I believe you can monitor and adjust the social diet of your own children just as you would their food and nutrition.
Be aware of how often your student uses technology in their social life and make sure it doesn't become a crutch or a weapon.
2.
Protect your student from becoming a victim of others who are lacking the social cues necessary to be loving and empathetic.
Remember, a mild-mannered, polite boy or girl whose brain is partially blindfolded by technology can become a ruthless, self-centered source of pain.
Cell phone bills and internet monitoring software can give you some information about the social habits and network of your child.
3.
Talk with your student about healthy social interaction and the risks.
Your credibility will increase every time your child is harassed or bullied through text, chat, or other technology.